ASG Finally Says What it Means

After decades of passing politically correct and vague bills and resolutions, Northwestern’s Associated Student Government has finally seen fit to say exactly what it means.  The bill, submitted by ASG senators last week, has been modified from its original version to provide clarity and garner more support.  The resolution regarding President Obama’s gun control policy did not gain enough support last week amongst senators who found the wording too vague and the implications too contentious.  This Wednesday, January 23, ASG will be voting on a revised version–modified by the Chronicle‘s opinion editor Alex Entz–in which the implications have been removed and replaced.  The full text of the current resolution can be found here:

Official ASG Resolution on Gun Control
January 23, 2013

Whereas, guns have been used in crimes,

Whereas, guns have the potential to harm people,

Whereas, all Northwestern students of sound mind and body support banning all types of firearms,

Whereas, diversity of opinion does not exist on this campus,

Whereas, we were elected to ASG to comment on pressing political concerns at the national stage,

Whereas, a resolution condemning the beliefs of others will not result in the marginalization of such groups,

Whereas, an ASG resolution can only be discriminatory if it targets groups near and dear to the liberal heart,

Whereas, ASG resolutions supporting one side of a divisive national issue, whether liberal or conservative, are necessary for Northwestern students to feel like their elected body is doing something,

Whereas, this precedent will not lead to the expansion of political biases into other arenas of official ASG business,

Be it resolved, that Northwestern’s official stance should be to endorse President Obama’s proposal to increase gun control,

Be it further resolved, that Barack Obama can Do No Evil in the eyes of this caucus,

Be it further resolved, that freedom of speech, as expressed by Dane Stier and Justin Moore in the Northwestern Chronicle, only applies in instances where the authors are not self-evidently wrong and thus not members of our inclusive Northwestern community,

Be it further resolved, that the point of ASG, as embodied in our mission statement to “connect Northwestern by bringing communities and resources together”, is to pointlessly divide campus and marginalize those with diverse opinions and beliefs.

Respectfully Submitted,

Alex Entz

The resolution is expected to be met with resounding support and nearly unanimous passage.  ASG will be meeting at 7 pm on Wednesday, January 23, 2013, to debate this resolution.  Its passage will mark a landmark decision that will define national politics for years to come.

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