Brave Journalist Records Sound from Hell

Brave Journalist Records Sound from Hell

By: Chronicle Staff An anonymous user has sent THE CHRONICLE a recording taken from Fisk Hall. Apparently, God has decided to punish Medill by sending theatre majors to practice in its rooms. Click here to listen: SoundFromHell   Our take: a brief glitch in the fabric of spacetime created a portal directly to the ninth circle […]

Watered-Down Marxism

Watered-Down Marxism

By Alex Entz While in Europe, I had the good fortune to attend a student rally advocating for the taxation of the rich to pay for free education. One of the major organizers and supporters of the rally was a group known as “Communist Students,” and they handed me a pamphlet about their groups and […]

ASG Finally Says What it Means

After decades of passing politically correct and vague bills and resolutions, Northwestern’s Associated Student Government has finally seen fit to say exactly what it means.  The bill, submitted by ASG senators last week, has been modified from its original version to provide clarity and garner more support.  The resolution regarding President Obama’s gun control policy […]

Post-Election, Conservatives Should Be Optimistic

The Gipper: America’s Optimist-in-Chief I was asleep in Rome on the night of the election. At five am, the tiny room of my hostel exploded with noise as my alarm went off; I turned it off and grabbed my iPod Touch to check how the election was coming. I had a multitude of emails. The first two, from my brother and […]

NU Rejects Reason and Morals in Environmentalism

The Engineers for a Sustainable World (ESW) have recently released their proposal to “Ban the Bottle” on Northwestern’s campus, a plan that would effectively end the sale of bottled water on campus.  Considering the purpose of ESW, this proposal, as well as its support from The Daily Northwestern, seemed inevitable.  But rather than jumping on […]

Editorial: A Disappointment for America

By The Chronicle’s Editorial Board (The views expressed below reflect those of editors Charles Rollet, Dane Stier, Janice Janeczko, and Megan Wood, and are not those of The Northwestern Chronicle at large.) (This article was featured in our print issue, which was published on Nov. 10, 2012.) President Obama’s historic re-election this year is disappointing. Disappointing because America has chosen another […]

“Star Wars VII: Gungan Style” to Feature Jar Jar Binks as Main Character

(This article was featured in our print issue, which was published on Nov. 10, 2012.) By Charles Rollet To the dismay of millions of Star Wars fans across the world, Disney producers have announced that the new Star Wars movie they are making will be solely about Jar Jar Binks and the story of the Gungan People. “We thought Jar Jar was easily […]

Cheeseless and Chastised

In May 2012, North By Northwestern published a groundbreaking article titled “Meatless and Marginalized.” It described the life of a vegan NU student struggling to survive in an oppressive meat-eating society. In a belated response to this piece, The Chronicle has discovered that Jordan Minor, one of the Chron’s own columnists, does not like cheese. […]

NU Freshman Loses Battle With Dorm’s Washing Machine

(This article was featured in our print issue, which was published on Nov. 10, 2012.) EVANSTON — As autumn nears its close and new students acclimate themselves to the harsh realities of Northwestern University, the age-old struggles of first-year college students have reared their ugly heads once again. For freshman Alex Morland, the struggle began with his first load […]