Daily Columnist Uncovers Nefarious Republican Plot!

By Charles Rollet

In a bold piece titled “The GOP’s Dangerous Brushes with Crazy,” Daily columnist Yoni Muller has uncovered further evidence of the Republicans’ disturbing radicalization.

He noticed that about 3 years ago, a Republican state senator in (famously progressive) Arkansas wrote something very racist.

And then last month, Georgia Rep. Paul Broun – who is on the House Science Committee – loudly promoted creationism.

Crazy people – definitely. But are these events a mere coincidence? Nope!

As the Daily’s opinionista sees it, this is clearly part of a broader trend of right-wing hysteria. Muller notes:  “with each new incident this stops looking like a fringe problem and starts looking like a disturbing party transformation.”

Thus, the GOP, which is mostly composed of “racist uncles with dementia,” must be brought to justice “for the bigotry and dogmatic rejections of science in their party.”

Well, I am stunned. In fact, as someone who leans (mildly) more Republican than Democratic, I would like to apologize on part of the entire GOP.

Certainly, unless Republicans unite as a party to seek forgiveness for their deep-seated hatred of both African-Americans and Science – thank God Sagan that Neil deGrasse Tyson lives in NYC! – the GOP “will continue to fade in relevance to anyone that isn’t rich, white, older than 40 and Christian,” as Muller wisely puts it.

Then, happy, shiny students from the workers’ state of Northwestern University can finally take over and convert us leftover Repubs to the Culte de la Raison et de l’Être Suprême. Ignorance and racism handily defeated.

Until that prosperous time when all Republicans will be truly enlightened, Muller concedes that the GOP has some good ideas.

“Small government, low taxes, and AK-47s for everyone are all great things the Republicans bring to the national agenda,” he writes. “[…] It’s up to the intellectual wing of the party (including College Republicans at Northwestern and around the country) to propose policies that can move the country forward.”

Well, Yoni, I’ve contacted Dane Stier, who happens to be both The Chronicle’s Opinion Editor and president of NU’s College Republicans.

He says he’s down with promoting small government and low taxes, but the AK-47s for everyone are frankly inadmissible unless they are made in the USA.

Charles Rollet
Resident and Oppressor
Northwestern University

 

 

PS: The piece said that Rep. Paul Broun, MD is a physicist; he is actually a physician. Whatever, man – science!

Photo: twm1340

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