23 Shiba Dogs that Perfectly Describe Northwestern

By: Chronicle Staff

We all know Northwestern has a lot of distinct, quirky subcultures that can sometimes be pretty damn insufferable. And it turns out The Internet has a perfect dog, the Shiba Inu, to represent many of NU’s different groups.

Let’s start out with freshmen. Aren’t they awful? Well, yes; that’s a given. But why? First of all, they come to Northwestern thinking they’re gonna ace every single class:

NU - Freshmen
“This is gonna be just like high school! My GPA was 4.9999!”



But then the freshies take actual classes, even science classes. They think astronomy 220-0 will mostly be a Neil deGrasse Tyson documentary with a pop quiz at the end:

Of course, astronomy's gonna be a breezer right?
“Of course astronomy’s gonna be a breezer”



But sheer stupidity aside, the worst freshmen are the ones who think they are just as cool/badass as they were in high school (which begs the question of why they went to Northwestern):

"Let's go hang out at the 7/11"
“Let’s go hang out at the 7/11”



But classes aside, there are (as mentioned before) tons of annoying subgroups at Northwestern. Like stoners:

NU - Fiji Stoners
“WOW we’re so badass for smoking this herb all our parents smoked in college.”



The campus hipsters are also pretty bad; stay away from those tortured English majors and forever-aspiring poets:

"Did you see my story in Helicon?"
“I’m basically Hemingway, but without all the war and macho stuff.”



But while the hipsters can be pretty pretentious, nothing compares to an even more useless film major slash aspiring screenwriter:

"The mise-en-scene in Avengers had such a neo-Goddard touch to it, don't you think?"
“The mise-en-scene in Avengers had such a neo-Goddard touch to it, don’t you think?”



Although at least the film people might get jobs. Unlike the theatre majors:

NU - Jones people
“I’m so glad Jones prepared me for the real world.”



And talking about annoying subcultures, how can we avoid the sporty frat stars:

NU - Chet Haze
“I can bring you fame, girl”



…whose glistening muscles bring to mind our all-winning Peoples’ Champions, the Northwestern football team!

"One day we'll be as good as women's lacrosse. One day."
“One day we’ll be as good as women’s lacrosse. One day.”



And all these guys would be nothing without Northwestern’s sorority sisters:

NU - [Certain] sororities
“Tell me I’m cute.”


But even though you won’t meet a huge amount of star athletes and sorority girls at Northwestern compared to a state school, you’ll find tons of dedicated nerds and gamers:

ToSHIBAs rule.



Who think playing Pokemon is still okay when you’re 21, for some reason:

NU - Gamers
“I’m totally moving to Seoul and making a living off this.”



And there are way more people on campus that are into Cosplay than you think.

NU - South Campus theme parties, cosplay
Typical South Campus theme party.



And all these folks spend their Saturday nights like this (though they’re far from the only ones:)

NU - Saturday nights
“I totally need to study tonight… Seriously, I’m swamped… *sob*”



And don’t forget the campus activists. Take the “secular humanists who are basically annoying internet atheists in real life:




Or the inevitable social justice warriors:

NU - social justice warriors
“I’m making such a difference.”



But the absolute scum of Northwestern, like everywhere else in the world, are the obnoxious and self-absorbed student journalists from Medill. They actually take classes about social media and think they’re cool for doing it:

NU - Medilldos



The obnoxious student publications at Northwestern naturally reflect this innate shittinness. Let’s take NBN, for starters, which *still* hasn’t gotten over 90s nostalgia:

“Journalism is about pop culture, not news!”



The Daily, as we all know, sucks especially hard because of how cosy it is with Northwestern’s administration. See this example of a Good Daily Dog:

NU - Daily Northwestern & admin



But at least people have heard about NBN and The Daily. Ask an average student if he’s heard of  this fine publication (The Chronicle,) and he’ll most likely respond:

NU - Chronicle [have you heard of it]
“No. Never heard of it.”


Alright, we all know journos suck – that’s nothing new. But amidst all this chaos and insecurity, at least there are groups set up to actually help you at Northwestern. Like the multicultural office:

NU - Multicultural office
Promoting unity isn’t always easy.



Or the Community Assistants (CAs):

NU - CAs
Alert as always.



It’s not a student group, but NUPD is ostensibly out there to help you too. Although it’s a bit more controversial:

"Time to bust some major criminals in ISRC! Hoo-ah!"
“Time to bust some major criminals in ISRC! Hoo-ah!”



So ultimately, while all of Northwestern’s tribes and cliques are awful, they’re pretty much equally shitty. Which is how it is in the real world. So that’s it for The Chron’s first Buzzfeed-style list. Hope it was funny:

NU - end of show



Photos from reddit.com/r/shibe





One Response to "23 Shiba Dogs that Perfectly Describe Northwestern"

  1. Jon   February 16, 2014 at 3:45 pm



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