“Star Wars VII: Gungan Style” to Feature Jar Jar Binks as Main Character

(This article was featured in our print issue, which was published on Nov. 10, 2012.)

By Charles Rollet

To the dismay of millions of Star Wars fans across the world, Disney producers have announced that the new Star Wars movie they are making will be solely about Jar Jar Binks and the story of the Gungan People.

“We thought Jar Jar was easily the most important Star Wars character since the series’ inception, and wanted to showcase his backstory,” said Disney exec Luke Mathis. “My daughter also made me watch PSY’s ‘Gangnam Style’ and I thought it would be funny to incorporate that with something from Star Wars.”

The first installation of “Gungan Style,” which is named after the alien race Jar Jar Binks belongs to, the Gungans, will reportedly cost over $1 billion dollars to film.

Northwestern student Alex Durkis was devastated by the news, and immediately created three Facebook pages protesting the move.

“This is literally the worst thing that has ever happened,” said a tearful Durkis. “How can George Lucas let our childhoods be destroyed like this? I don’t think anyone will be able to move on with their lives.”

“Well, at least no one on South Campus.”

Officials fearing fan violence have said they will add extra security dressed as stormtroopers at all premiere locations in 2015. The role of Jar Jar Binks will reportedly be played by Nicolas Cage.

 

photo- Maggie Osterberg

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